


tomorrow there'll be more of us

by mirkandmidnight



Series: if/then [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Gen, Kylo Ren Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:17:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkandmidnight/pseuds/mirkandmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loose ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tomorrow there'll be more of us

It had been two weeks since the fall of Snoke, and the First Order seemed to be self destructing in the wake of their leader’s death.

Phasma had turned herself in two days later, bringing with her a full battalion of stormtroopers. She and Leia were getting along surprisingly well, to everyone’s alarm. According to Rey, they stayed up late into the night, talking strategy and going through copious amounts of Corellian wine.

This, of course, led to questions like “Wasn’t Captain Phasma their enemy?” And “Shouldn’t be locked up somewhere for everyone’s safety?”

Phasma had gotten a deadly look in her eye and deadpanned that if any of them could beat her in single, hand to hand combat, she’d go into lockup voluntarily.

She’d taken out all her challengers unashamedly. One of them had actually gotten a hit in. She’d looked at the big, burly man, her short blond hair falling in her eyes and grinned, blood outlining her teeth. Then she’d thrown the man to the ground and put her boot on his throat, digging into the soft flesh until he yielded.

So she remained free, although there was a significant amount of grumbling about, to which she cracked her knuckles and stared pointedly, then enjoyed the pale faces.

Hux, however, had no such desire to give himself up. He’d disappeared fro the ranks of the First Order, taking with him a significant amount of their funds. No one had heard from him, but Ben had a feeling he would be back sooner or later.

Even that ex-stormtrooper seemed to be doing well. It was a little unnerving how quickly the damage the First Order had done was fading.

Rey had gone back to train with Luke Skywalker (who Ben still hadn’t spoken to, which, awkward), but not before making it perfectly clear to the counsellors that Ben had made all the difference in ensuring Snoke’s demise. Nice of her, but he still wasn’t quite sure what to do with the fact that people were still alternately spitting at him as he passed or trying to curry his favor somehow.

The spitting he could handle. It was the other part that was kind of weird. He wasn’t much for that sort of thing, so Ben stayed in his rooms or found solitary places around base whenever he wasn’t called to meetings. 

Unfortunately, he still had to go to meals, and he didn’t particularly enjoy eating alone in his room. So Ben had to brave the mess hall. He held his plate of food in a vise-like grip and looked around. Where was he meant to sit? As people saw him looking around, legs and bags were suddenly covering empty chairs, and no one was meeting his eyes.

This was like the academy all over again. What even was his life? Ben grimaced, prepared to slink back to his room and just eat there, no matter what kind of fuss his mother kicked up about the whole affair. No matter how bad it was to have to eat alone, it would be worse if his mother had to force people to let him sit with them.

But just as he turned around to leave, a hand clamped down on his shoulder and spun him 180 degrees. Ben set his plate down and braced himself for a fight, then paused. It was Jessika Pava, a strained grin on her face and Poe standing a few steps behind her. 

So, it could still totally be a fight. Jessika didn’t like him at all, to his knowledge. Ben looked at her warily.

“Well?” She finally said. “Are we going to sit and eat or just stand here staring at each other?” And that was the end of that. Jessika, as it turned out, wasn’t actually that bad when you weren’t trying to kill her and she wasn’t trying to kill you. She was actually really fun to be around, and Ben found himself laughing more than he ever had before when he was around her.

He still trained in the mornings, alone now that Rey had gone back to wherever it was that Skywalker lived. Ben wasn’t exactly trying to put on a show or an exhibition, but it seemed like people went out of their way to come and stare while he was practice. He went on and ignored them, of course, but it was weird. 

The problem, though, was that he was still not good at hand to hand combat at all. Robbed of the ability to use the Force or his lightsaber, he largely had no idea what to do in a fight. He knew the basics, but chances were he’d get his ass handed to him. 

Fortunately, there was a plethora of people on Yavin IV who were more than willing to beat him up. He didn’t go around trying to pick fights, not exactly, but fights found him more often than not. That was, until Phasma and Jessika took it upon themselves to spar with him in an effort to minimize injuries. 

Something about Phasma’s ability to make friends was uncanny. After the stunt when she’d first showed up on base, she’d assimilated herself seamlessly into the Resistance. There was almost no one who didn’t like her. It was just unnerving.

So, most things were actually surprisingly okay. But something was still a little wrong. He and Poe were still horrifyingly awkward around each other, which wasn’t good. He and Poe had been best friends, and yeah, a lot of things had changed, but Ben didn’t know how to fix the rift between them, or if it was even possible.

“See, the thing is that Poe’s actually a really fragile guy, emotionally,” said Jessika, leaning her head back against the wall and cradling a glass of whiskey in one hand. She gave him a pointed look, as if to imply that yes, that was probably all his fault.

Which. It probably was.

She and Ben were getting drunk. She and Ben were getting so incredibly drunk.

“And I really thought he was over the whole deal with you,” she complained, “because we went and punched it out, but noooo. He still has to go and get over his man pain by himself, instead of just, you know, talking about it like a normal person.”

Jessika sighed, and he nodded. “And it’s not like I haven’t told him he can talk to me. I totally have.” She poked at him with one finger. “This is totally your fault, so you get to deal with the fallout.”

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. That was probably fair. Ben would get on that. But first he was going to go and have the longest sleep ever.  
***  
Ten hours later, and with a headache pounding like a drumbeat, Ben went in search of Poe. He didn’t honestly expect it to take that long; for one thing, this was the base he’d grown up on, and for another thing, Poe wasn’t that good at hiding.

But, you know, apparently a lot of things had changed since he had gone away, because Poe was being startlingly elusive. Ben had been walking around the base for going on an hour with no sign of the other man.

And okay, that was getting a little annoying. Poe wasn’t that good at hiding, what was going on here? Ben frowned and headed down one of the more disused hallways. No one came down here, no that he knew of.

Of course, it had been quite some time since he’d been on Yavin IV. He and Poe had both grown up here, but that had been years ago. Who knew what had happened in that time? Who knew what else he’d missed?

But the hallway appeared to be deserted. Ben walked down, his boots clicking in a staccato rhythm on the tile. Something rustled nearby, and he paused. Someone or something was down here, and it seemed to him that it was most likely to be Poe.

That or some cleaning person.

He continued to listen, but he didn’t hear anything else. Presumably, whoever it was had heard him coming and was trying to hide. 

Ben looked down at his shoes. The person would never come out, not if they heard him clomping around in these things.So he walked back the way he’d come, humming audible. As he got further away, he quieted down, so it would sound as though he had gone. 

Once he was far enough away, he paused and took off his boots, setting them down by the wall. Then he crept back towards where he had heard the noise, making as little sound as possible. Ben had gotten rather good at sneaking in the last few months.

He found an alcove and ducked into it, holding his breath. Somewhere nearby, a door opened. He peered around the edge of the alcove and found himself suddenly face to face with Poe Dameron.

Both men let out yelps of surprise and jumped back. Poe whipped out his blaster and Ben nearly impaled himself trying to fumble with his lightsaber.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Ben said, holding his hands up. “Just me, no need to get worked up.”

But Poe wasn’t smiling. He dropped the blaster and ran a hand through his hair, then slid down the wall to sit. He tilted his head back and sighed. Okay. That didn’t seem like a good sign. Ben took a step closer.

“You okay?” He asked, trying to keep the greater part of the concern out of his voice. It didn’t really work.

“Not really,” came the reply.

He sat down next to the other man and stared straight ahead. “Me neither.”

A long silence stretched out between them, both staring at the wall across the while. After a little while, Ben glanced over at him. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew that there was a chance the rift between them could never be healed. Hell, he didn’t even know where to start. Poe had said he believed in him, but that didn’t mean he wanted Ben in his life.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

“Why did you come back?” Poe said, cutting off his train of thought. He was still looking at the wall.

Why had he come back? At the time, Ben had told himself that if he helped out the Resistance, maybe they’d leave him alone. But he knew well enough when he was making excuses.

“I wanted to believe that I still could,” Ben finally said.

Poe laughed without mirth. “You did a lot of bad things.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to forgive you.”

“I understand,” Ben said, then hesitated. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for a lot of the things I did, but I can’t take them back. Even if I regret them, they still made me who I am. They’re a part of me, and I can’t let myself forget that.” This was the hardest thing he’d ever done, even harder than killing his father, even harder than reconciling with himself, even harder than taking his identity back piece by piece.

Finally Poe turned to look him in the eyes, gaze searingly vulnerable. “I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I can’t see my best friend and Kylo Ren and try and piece them together into the person you are now. I don’t know who you are anymore, Ben.”

His heart plummeted into the pit of his stomach and he started to get up. “I understand,” he said, voice quiet.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know who you are now,” Poe continued, and Ben sat back down with a thump.

“Oh,” he said. It was all he could manage to get out. 

“I’d like to get to know you again, and we’ll see where things go from there. It won’t be easy, and you’ve still got a lot of things to answer for, but I still want to try,” he finished, and there was something warm and glowing unfolding in the center of Ben’s chest.

“Oh,” he said again.

“You didn’t think you were getting rid of met hat easy, did you, Organa?” He said. “It’s gotten too quiet around here without you. Let’s raise a little hell.”

Poe grinned at him, and Ben found himself grinning back. The pilot laced their fingers together and squeezed. 

It felt like absolution.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Wow. That officially marks the end of If/Then, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written for anything ever. This has been such an amazing journey and I’m so glad I actually finished this giant thing.
> 
> Thank you so much to Sarah for holding my hand through this venture, as well as being my sounding board for plot ideas and laughing awkwardly at all my horrible dialogue and one liners that I’m pretty sure only I think are funny.
> 
> Thanks especially go out to the lovely [worldsgreatestnerd](http://worldsgreatestnerd.tumblr.com/), who is probably entirely responsible for this au, and whose comments on tumblr have always been immensely encouraging. Making them flail their arms has been the entirety of my motivation for writing this series. (Also I’m pretty sure that they’re like half the hits on this series, I honestly have no idea who else is reading this.)
> 
> I’m not done with this AU, though! If you’re following my [tumblr rantings](http://pretentiousandfrench.tumblr.com/), there is something else in the works involving Phasma, because give me an evil character and I am literally unable to not wonder how they got into the situation they’re in. And I really want to know how she ended up defecting from the First Order.
> 
> So keep an eye out, and until then, keep it classy.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [like branches in a tree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6412138) by [mirkandmidnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkandmidnight/pseuds/mirkandmidnight)




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